I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
