'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
