Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
