if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
