I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
