The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
