Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
