You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
