everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
