I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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