careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
