i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
