My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
