Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
