I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
