I think im going to throw up on grandma
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
