Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
