nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
