I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
