her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
