I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
