Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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