and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Plan B is the new Plan A
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
