I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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