Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
