i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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