Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
