who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
