at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
