I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
