so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
