It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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