I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
