Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
