why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
