So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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