walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
