VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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