I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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