My nipple is on Facebook.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
