walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's just like the Real World with babies
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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