Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
