I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
