i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
