so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
