I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
