i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
