after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
