Actions speak louder than pants.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
