You surviving the open bar?
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Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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