Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
