Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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