I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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